Maybe the hung Parliament didn't go far enough...

I'd quite like to have hung a few MPs, starting with The Boss. He's driving Greg and I nuts, moaning about being in opposition, and shouting about why "that idiot" Gordy didn't resign sooner to save the situation.

We can't see what difference it'll make, anyway - given that he's been voting against the Government at every opportunity for the last 13 years. We're just relieved we still have jobs (for what they're worth). Anyway, I have far too many other things to worry about with this damned "big" birthday coming up tonight.

I can't believe Max thought it would be a good idea to give me a "surprise" party. Or to tell me about it in advance. I'd prefer to start the next decade as I mean to go on, gradually deteriorating in front of the TV, and celebrating the official onset of the downhill trajectory by throwing away my 25x magnifying mirror, on the grounds that it has become dangerous to my mental health.

Now I shall have to try and render myself presentable and look cheerful instead, while avoiding too much facial expression to minimize the formation of new wrinkles. I just hope Max has had the sense not to invite anyone younger than me.....